The Great Baby Quest!

Our Journey-Entry for Guest editor on Joy's Blog

2011-03-29T10:20:00.000-04:00

When Joy assigned us a writing assignment in hopes that it would be featured in her blog, the first thing I thought about sharing was the story of our journey through infertility to become parents. It was one filled with bumps, lots of bruises, tears and ultimately extreme joy.

Over the course of our journey I kept a blog to help others that were struggling like myself. I found that there were so many women in the same place that I was but that there was not a lot of information on what tests to ask for from your doctors. To prepare to write this entry, I went back through that blog and read over the entries. Looking back now I am just amazed that I was strong enough to have gone through it all.

Our Journey began a few short months before my husband and I were to be married. On March 17, 2006 we found out that I was expecting rather unexpectedly. Being totally scared and nervous without medical insurance at the time I turned to planned parenthood to confirm what the at home test had told us, “Pregnant”. I was just a bundle of nerves. What would my family think? Would my wedding dress, for which was already purchased, fit my growing belly. March 22nd 2006 I started having some cramping and bleeding. Not yet being versed on anything to do with pregnancy and again not having insurance, I was at a loss of what to do. We decided that we should go to the ER and get me checked out that we would deal with the money part of it later. I will add this bill is still unpaid to this day.

At the hospital I had my first ever ultrasound for which they found nothing. After hours and hours in the hospital it was determined that I was having a miscarriage and I was sent home without any real instructions or ideas of what that even meant, other than we had lost the baby. Heartbroken we headed home. Believe it or not the song on the radio on the way home was Bad Day by Daniel Powder. How fitting.

To save time and space I will summarize that the next few years brought us more and more heart break. After the first loss we were married and were finally starting for our family. One loss after the other, we suffered, six in total. We could not figure out why we had no trouble at all getting pregnant, just could not seem to stay that way very long.

Thankfully I was able to get a job with really great medical coverage. On this insurance I was able to go see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Amazed with how quickly they started testing and had a diagnosis! Within the first month they had a tentative reason for my issues. I have Factor V Heterozygous, which is a form of thrombophilia. That that means is my blood clots very easily and was likely the cause of the losses because the eggs were not getting attached well enough. So with this diagnosis the treatment I was put on was Lovenox once a day from the day after my period started until 6 weeks after a baby is born.

Lovenox is a blood thinner that you take as in injection. They are pretty painful shots that you have to give yourself. Gel ice packs became my best friend.

We tried this plan of action but it did not work. We had a loss while on the medication, so now we had to look in to other treatments. I gave even more blood (I was starting to look like a drug user at this point from all of the blood draws) and also had a procedure called an HSG (hysterosalpingogram). An HSG is where they take an x-ray like picture after they inject dye in to your uterus to look for things like polyps and abnormalities. My RE discovered what he thought to be over 12 uterine polyps, which is another possible reason for the losses so I was scheduled for a D &C to sort of clean house. During that procedure it was discovered that I did not have any polyps but that I had a lot of extra tissues and an infection called Endometritis, not to be confused with Endometriosis. Definition :Endometritis is an inflammation or irritation of the lining of the uterus (the endometrium).

This infection was cleaned up with a very strong antibiotic and we were on to the next option, Letrozole (Fermara).

Letrozole (Fermara), is supposed to make a "really good egg" according to the RE. The drug itself is actually a cancer medication, typically used in estrogen fed breast cancers since the drug blocks your body from making estrogen. Somehow by starving your body of estrogen, then abruptly taking yourself off the meds you get a rush of estrogen causing good eggs to be made. All I knew was I was up for anything at this point. Including the awful side effects of the medication, for which ended up dealing with, such as extreme joint pain. Fermara was the RE’s next solution to what might be going on. He came to this conclusion after a two week of every other day scans to watch my eggs grow. Talk about no fun!

Turns out that did the trick! We were able to get pregnant and stay pregnant past the point of all of our previous losses.

3 years and 3 months after our first loss we were in the RE’s exam room teary eyed, looking at a sonogram of our little baby. Hearing that little fluttering heartbeat for the first time, I was so excited and amazed I recorded it on my phone. My husband was using the recording as a ring tone I think for pretty much the whole pregnancy.

I took Lovenox shots throughout the pregnancy because of my clotting disorder along with progesterone, baby aspirin, and of course the daily prenatal vitamin.

Although the journey to get to parenthood was long, it was so worth it. I know that our travels though infertility were not as treacherous as some but for us it was a true battle, and we fought with everything in us. We are actually getting ready to do this all again for baby #2. Hopefully it will be easier knowing what works now.

We welcomed our daughter Cecilia Joan via C-section, after 46 hours of labor on January 30, 2010, the happiest day of our lives so far!

Come on over to the new blog

2010-09-01T11:58:00.000-04:00

http://catchinglightningbugsinajar.blogspot.com/

I have started a new blog come check it out! :)

Whoa an update!

2009-10-05T16:38:00.013-04:00

Dear Blog and Blog Followers,
I am sorry that I have neglected you these last few months. I have been so busy and or tired maybe a bit of lazy mixed in. Things seem to be going well still. Now in our 24th week! The baby is kicking like crazy as I write this.
We still are not going to find out what out little bean is but the guessing games have been fun. In the last 8 weeks since I have blogged things haven't changed much just getting more kicks everyday and the baby is doing good and growing on track. It's been wonderful to have a some what "normal" pregnancy considering all we have been through. I still do my lovenox everyday which has been come more and more routine and although I dread them still it is something I know I have to do. I do have some pictures to share and will have even more tomorrow as I am headed to the Peri for my monthly scan to make sure the baby is on track.

Little Beans feet at 15 weeks 5 days- I am pretty sure he or she will have big feet like mom and dad.

So we have gotten some really awesome deals on the bigger items for the baby. I got all of the bedding over a year ago on ebay (not all of it is pictures I have lamps nightlights matching toys clothes the whole nine yards) I got everything for about $150 some point I will snap a picture of just how much I got.

The set is John Lennon's Musical Parade mixed with a little of his Real Love collection. This collection was out back in like 1999 but I couldn't resist it the Mobile plays Imagine! And I thought it was just fine for boy or a girl.

So besides the actual bedding and things being so darn cheap we got a great deal on this crib for life. It has a neat feature that the top 8 inches of the bed rail fold down for easy access to the baby. This is one of those that converts through to full size. Well we looked at these retail and they were about $500 we found this one on Craigs list for $125! I know what a freaking deal and that included the mattress!

So I am not even done with the deals haha.. We did pay full price for the pack n play right around the time I found out I was expecting and that the bean was going to stick it out with us. I loved the pattern and it was limited to target only. Well we waited for the stroller we just did not have the $259 bucks at the time to get it. I am so glad we waited. Just this last weekend we got the travel system for $99.00!

I love to shop for sales and good deals. I have even found some really great new with tags clothes at our local thrift store. :)

So my shower is in a few weeks I am really excited to have gotten to the point where I am actually having a baby shower. A year ago I thought I would never make it this far! We picked the theme of sweet pea since we do not know what we are having. The design is really cute. I'll attach a picture.

Adorable I know haha.. I really want to just sit back and enjoy my shower but at the same time I have taken over planning for the most part. I just really love to plan these sort of things. I really think that if I had party planning as a side job it would quickly turn in to a career!

The planning has kept me pretty busy for the last few weeks but it's fun!

Here is the baby at 20 weeks 5 days. Look at that cute little profile! I took my grandparents (baby's great grandparents) with me to the appointment. They loved it! :) The baby got the hiccups during the scan it was cute.

So this is a picture of me at like 22 or 23 weeks. I was really pushing that fat belly out there I do not really look prego normally just extra fatty. Although I have only gained 10 pounds so far. :)
So hopefully I will have time to sit down and add some more very soon. At least after the shower!

I am going to do this long survey thing down here that I got from baby center. :) See you Soon!

Age? 29 and holding mind you!
Pre-Pregnancy weight? Well I like cake so yeah enough
Current weight? gained 10 pounds so far
Is this your first pregnancy? Well first one to make it past 7 weeks
How far along are you? 24 weeks 4 days
Do you like being pregnant? It doesn't really bother me I mean I get tired and sore and things are starting to swell and the throwing up still sucks but, I'm gonna be a mommy! YAY it makes it all worth it!
Have you had any morning sickness? Yes
Any mood swings? Me?.. No haha My husband disagrees hmmmm...
Do you feel you have a stronger sense of smell? I have always had a good sniffer but it's SUPER sniffer now haha it drives people crazy I think everything stinks!
Have any swelling? A little
Have you had any aches or pains yet? Yes back and feet seem to really bother me lately
Favorite maternity outfit? PJs!
Have you bought anything for baby yet? Yes lots but still nothing ? haha we got alot of the big stuff but we need the little things for every day.
Are you excited? Heck yeah!

Relationship
Are you with he baby's father? Yes
Are you in a relationship? Married 3 years

Your pregnancy so far

Due date? 02/06/2010
When did you find out you were pregnant? May
Who was with you? Hubby
Were you trying to get pregnant? Yes
Do you have a guess when and where your baby was conceived? Yes I do actually since we were on meds to ovulate haha
How far along were you when you found out? 3 weeks
What kind of pregnancy test did you take? First Response then Blood work for two weeks.

How many tests did you take? lol a Few
What was your first reaction? nervously excited!
What was your partner's first reaction? same
Who did you tell first? My husband
What were your parent's reaction? I think after all the losses everyone was pretty nervously excited.
How far along were you at your first doctor appointment? 5 weeks
Have you heard the baby's heartbeat? we heard it the first time at 7 weeks I have it recorded. :) Have you had any ultrasounds? SO many since I am high risk with the Factor V
Will you have any 3D/4D ultrasounds? Well I asked Santa for a gift certificate to get one done but if santa doesn't come through no.
Have you had any complications with this pregnancy? Just my Factor V and some slight spotting early on
Are you high risk? Yes
Girl, boy, or surprise? It's a Surprise
Have you picked out any names yet? Cecilia Joan or Nathan Kent (Kenn hates the name Nathan but he got over ruled by me! )
What is something you eat almost everyday? Frosted Cheerios or Frosted Flakes
Do you have any pregnant friends? I do in fact. Tiffany is a few weeks behind me and Lily is a few months behind.
Have you felt any movement yet? In fact the baby and I were just swaying to Micheal Buble.:) Strong kicks everyday getting stronger
Has your partner felt any movement yet? yes but not alot
Do you or your partner talk to baby? Yes he does. :) It's cute the baby gets excited when he talks about getting ice cream! LOL
When did you really start to show? I know I am showing but really people probably can not tell since I was heavy to start off with. I am waiting to see if I really POP in the next few months. Have any stretch marks? Yes
How well have you been sleeping? I haven't been sleeping well. I was just thinking today I don't think I have had a dream in weeks since I am not getting enough sleep.
Have you had any braxton-hicks contractions yet? Not that I know of
Any baby shower plans? Yup! Coming up in a few weeks
Have you registered any where? Target and Babies R us
What was the first thing bought for baby? I am sure it was a Onesie
Are you going to take any birthing classes? Yup Signing up for them on Friday
Are you reading any pregnancy, baby, childcare books? Well I have really read so much through all the losses that there wasn't much left to read lol I keep up with the What to expect book.
Has anyone said anything unusual to you since you've been pregnant? Not that I can think of..
What is the best part about being pregnant? I'm gonna be a mommy finally!
What is the worst part? The waiting!
What are you most nervous about? Going to to labor before the Lovenox wear off and I bleed to death some how EEEK

Birth Plans
At home or at a hospital? Hospital
Vaginal or C-section? vaginal I hope!
Meds? YES please!
Will you be induced? I don't know yet
Who will be in the delivery room with you? The Hubby
What couple of things will you be sure to have with you? Camera, Phone and Comfy Socks!
What do you think will annoy you during labor? Um all the messy gooey things going on haha
Are you going to take pictures? lots and lots!
Will dad cut the cord? If he doesn't faint!
Are you scared? some
What are you most scared about? Did I not already answer this?

When the baby is here

What is the baby's coming home outfit? I have something in mind but I donno....
Will you come home as soon as you can? Yep!
What is the best thing about coming home? Being in my own house and bed
What is the nursery's theme? John Lennon's Musical Parade
Will you breastfeed or formula feed? This will be a bottle baby.
Will you co-sleep? I am not planning on that.

Wow that was long!

Baby Registry for anyone interested.

2009-08-22T15:44:00.001-04:00

I forgot to add this in my post from this morning. Any out of town family or friends that want a peek at the registry here ya go. :)

Babies"R"Us - Baby Registry

Shared via AddThis

16 weeks!

2009-08-22T09:24:00.007-04:00

So sorry that I have not blogged in a while. It was a mixture of lazy/busy, and really just nothing too exciting going on.

We did have a scare last Saturday with some slight spotting but the Dr. just thinks that I over did it a little, and torn a small vessel. My step sister got married last weekend and I some how ended up taking all of her pictures for her. It was about 100 degrees and she got married on the beach, so I probably did over do it. Ugh don't even get me started about the huge mistake she has made.

Other than that the pregnancy has sort of been uneventful at this point. Baby is doing well. Went to the Dr. on Thursday and got to take a quick peek at the baby, who slept through the whole thing. :)
(The bean is sleeping with it's self all tucked away from the camera!)

We were FINALLY able to catch the little one with the fetal doppler that we got at home. We had not tried to use it in about a month and after the spotting the Dr. didn't want me to go to the ER, (said it was pointless actually) so being a nervous wreck I went ahead and tried the doppler and there was the little 150 bpm whoosha woosha.

We go next week to the Perinatologist so I should have some good pictures to share with you. Then a week or so after that we have to go for the big anatomy appointment.

A few people have asked and no we will not be finding out the sex of the baby at that appointment. I may have touched on this before but, Kenn really wanted to wait so bad, of course I did not. As time has gone on I have gotten more and more used to the idea of waiting. I've heard a few people put it this way, "It's our very last Santa Clause" so even though I still bug Kenn every now and again I am kinda of excited to wait to find out what the little one will be. :) Shh don't tell him!

My morning sickness is a thing of the past! I woke up on the first day of my 12th week feeling pretty good. It did revisit a few times since then but nothing like it had been!

I finally get to stop the progesterone today. I have another 4 days worth and have decided to just do it through the end of the prescription so really I have another 4 days but it will be nice not to have that medication any longer. It causes the sleepies.

I am working towards my 200th shot of Lovenox already. I have had a lot more bruising lately and am going to request they do my PTT at my next visit just to make sure that things aren't getting a little too thin.

It's so unreal for Kenn and I to think that today we are in our 16th week. 8-10 full weeks longer than any pregnancy in the past! It's hitting us that this is really going to happen this time! :)

Oh and I am pretty sure I can feel the baby now. Just every so often not even every day really, I would have to say it is like the feeling of a gold fish in a bag. Like when you get fish from the pet store and they put them in those little plastic bags. Just a little bump or two every now and again. :) So neat!

I need to get going I have to clean this place up today. Kenn and I got lazy this week and with my step sister and her ugh whatever coming back today I don't think they want to sit on the couch with out clean clothes. hehehe

I will try to be better about blogging in the weeks ahead!

How far along? 16 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Still at the same weight I started. I had lost 2 pounds a while back but gained it back.
Maternity clothes? I am just barely wearing them when I am feeling extra big.
Stretch marks? No new ones
Sleep: Getting better, still all night bathroom breaks
Best moment this week: Catching the bean on the doppler the other night.
Movement: Yes! How exciting!
Food cravings: I want brownies this morning but I will settle for a cookie
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? Innie
What I miss: Diet Pepsi and Mt. Dew
What I am looking forward to: My belly pop'n so I don't just look extra fat!

Weekly Wisdom: RELAX- I have a hard time with this I am a go, go go type of person. It's and Aries thing.
Milestones: Holy crap it's week 16!

14 weeks

2009-08-10T16:47:00.001-04:00

I am still alive. Very sorry for my absence. I actually do not have time even now to update.
Things are still going good we are 14 weeks 2 days today. I will try my best to find a moment to sit and blog.

Have a good week!

11 weeks 6 days

2009-07-24T14:45:00.007-04:00

I almost completely missed blogging in the 11th week. It has been so busy. We have had three scans in the last week so I have lots of pictures to share today! :)

We went last Thursday to see the RE just to double check on the bean cuz we didn't get a heart beat with the Doppler that we bought online. Apparently we are just too early to hear the baby yet. Oh well we got to see the little one and the baby was doing the worm showing off for us. Here is a picture from that visit!

The RE was sort of excited to see our little bean since he doesn't typically get to see them this big. Normally we are off to our OBs by then. The little one was waving at us this day. thats the little hand by the face. you can see the nose bone in this picture too and the little tummy and legs! So neat. We decided that the RE's ultrasounds machines are the best out of the three doctors they take the best pictures.

Yesterday we went to the regular OBGYN and they did all the invasion of space exams. You know the ones! lol And she did a quick scan of the bean and it was sleeping so she starts pushing down and wiggling my belly, ( Ok total ow for those of us with Lovenox bruises on our guts) Well that only made the baby's little arm twitch out and it stayed sleeping lol. Lazy baby it was 9:30 am! I didn't scan the picture she took from that it wasn't to interesting. :)

So all of my blood work came back well. I went two Saturday's ago and did the first 1 hour blood sugar test since I am starting out chunky and that came out normal. I keep telling people just because I have some extra meat doesn't make me a diabetic! That appointment went really well and I got the go ahead to go bowling that afternoon with Kenn!

So we killed some time in between out two appointments with some bowling. :) It was senior day and we had a nice pair in the lane next to us. The man was giving us tips on bowling and the lady was talking to me about how when she was 6 months pregnant she bowled in a league and scored a 278 and they told her it didn't count since she was playing with two people. :) I thought that was cute.

After out little bowling outing we went to the Perinatologist office for the first scan for Downs. Everything looked good the important signs that the baby doesn't have downs were there, we just have to wait for my blood work to come back.

That in its self was a total fiasco. Apparently I was really dehydrated and she had to use a suction syringe to get the blood out of my and had to do that in my hand OW! it took 10 mins to get the blood that she needed. I thought for sure they were going to throw my butt in the hospital and pump me with fluids. I went home and drank like a gallon of water and took a nap.

Here are the snaps from the visit with the Peri.

This the buns and the head. :)

The baby's got its legs crossed but that is the legs.

A scary picture of the little face.

This is what I have on my desk at work its the baby from week 5 -week 10. :)

We go back in a month to both doctors so the baby should be huge by then. Hopefully I will be able to feel the baby by then too. Week 12 starts tomorrow!

Here is my little survey thingy. See you in a week!

How far along? 11 weeks 6 days
Total weight gain/loss: I lost 2 pounds!
Maternity clothes? Just about I think I have a good week or two left before I have to break them out already
Stretch marks? No new ones
Sleep: Well, some days I don't have to get up at 3 am to pee others I do
Best moment this week: Seeing the little active monkey yesterday!
Movement: Not that I can feel but what an active baby they had a hard time scanning for the neck thickness cause the baby kept flipping!
Food cravings: I'm having worse morning sickness lately nothing really looks good anymore
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? Innie
What I miss: still the brushing my teeth without getting totally ill
What I am looking forward to: Feeling the baby move!
Weekly Wisdom: RELAX
Milestones: We have almost made it two our second trimester!!!

Quickie

2009-07-13T20:03:00.002-04:00

How far along? 10 weeks 2 days
Total weight gain/loss: Not sure
Maternity clothes? Not Yet
Stretch marks? same just the ones that were there lol
Sleep: It's been a little better this week thank goodness
Best moment this week: Not much really.
Movement: Not yet
Food cravings: Today I wanted chocolate and lots of it
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? Innie
What I miss: not throwing up every time I brush my teeth! This is still the same as last week lol
What I am looking forward to: I'm going back for a scan on Thursday since I couldn't find the heart beat with the doppler. I just hopeverything is ok.
Weekly Wisdom: I don't think I got any wisdom this week
Milestones:I didn't wake up at 2 am to pee last night.. Nope it was 5 am instead haha :)

9 weeks

2009-07-07T20:55:00.006-04:00

9 weeks 4 days!

It's about time that I got a few minutes to update. It has been so busy around here. Well it feels that way but really I have been falling asleep really early. LOL Not to mention we got such a nasty computer virus that it was sending out mass emails and we got locked out of our Internet connection my roadrunner because of it. What a mess!

Last week (Tuesday) we went to the RE for the very last time during this pregnancy. I graduated! :) We started going to Dr. Loy almost one year ago (July 30th 2008) It was a long hard year but well worth it looking back now.

We got another ultrasound at this visit just to make sure the little bean started moving in to the left side of the uterus it was liking the right side a little too much. Luckily the little one shifted and GREW so big in just 5 days from out last appointment where it looked like a little upside down casper the ghost.

Here is a scan of the latest scan.

We are back on track for out original 2/6/10 due date. :) The baby's heart rate was 174bpm on our last visit! Happy Baby.. :) The Retro placental Hematoma is still there but still very small it really has not grown nor gone away. So no worries. The RE's office was nice enough to offer us another ultra sound anytime since regular OB's don't typically do scans before 20 weeks and they want a happy baby and a happy baby needs a happy mom that is not worried. I just might take them up on the offer I am not going to get another scan for 3 weeks and that is for the early testing at the high risk doctor.

Making the appointment for that doctor was a pain in the ass. Apparently I owed $20.00 from an appointment over 2 years ago! And they would not let me make the appointment until I jumped through hoops to pay this $20 bucks what a mess but I finally got an appointment booked for the end of the month. :)

I also made a visit to my OB's office this week. I only met with the RN and she is sending me to do all sorts of blood work and of course the 1 hour glucose test since I am a bigger girl. Ugh. So I am going to do that all on Saturday. Here is an interesting tid bit. She said that when they checked my Antiphospholipis that they came out normal... Odd.. So we are having them rechecked. Yay blood work. :(

Kenn and I invested in a doppler this week to help ease our minds. We got a pretty good deal it would have cost us more to rent one for a few months. It should be here in a couple days and I can't wait to hear the little woosha woosha! :) I actually recorded the heart beat the last time I was at the doctors on to my phone. It's so neat! :)

I was trying to figure out how to get it on here but I had no luck.

We had another milestone this week. My 100th shot of Lovenox. This shot was actually about 5 days ago now but I just could not believe that I had already reached the 100 shot mark. They really are not getting any easier but I know they are so worth the pain and bruises.!

Well let me do my little weekly survey and then I am off to bed!

How far along? 9 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: only gained 2 according to the dr. visit!
Maternity clothes? I have worn my Bella band a bit this last week
Stretch marks? same just the ones that were there lol
Sleep: the nightmares are so awful! This morning in particular. Little kids with all their limbs torn off omg the blood it was awful. :(
Best moment this week: This week there isn't much, maybe when we get the doppler and can hear the little heat beat at home!
Movement: Not yet
Food cravings: LOL Well ruffles in my cottage cheese..
Labor Signs: No way to early! but no signs of loss either :)
Belly Button in or out? Innie
What I miss: not throwing up every time I brush my teeth!
What I am looking forward to: making it to the end of my trimester!

Weekly Wisdom: carry snacks to help with the nonstop morning sickness

Milestones: Besides making it to week 9? My 100th shot of Lovenox

MIA

2009-06-30T16:55:00.001-04:00

I have tons to share but my home computer has a nasty NASTY virus so until that is fixed I am going to be MIA. Hopefully I can get to work on it tonight we will see.

:)

What a crazy day!

2009-06-25T19:49:00.003-04:00

So first off how unreal is it that Michael Jackson died seriously! And they always say that it happens in threes. Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett...All past away this week.... RIP..

So on to the baby news that you have been waiting for! :) We heard the baby's heartbeat today! 160bpm!
The doctor said everything is looking good. She wants me back in on Tuesday because the baby has made its self really comfy on the right side of my uterus for some reason and she wants to make sure its not being blocked. So one more ultrasound before I head off to my regular OBGYN's office on Thursday. Very exciting... We are measuring at 7 weeks 3 days so two days less than we were thinking making the EDD now 2/4/10. But that can always change.

So today started off on a high note and then went in the shitter really fast. my husbands car died twice on the side of the road this week. He has missed 4 days of work because of it and it broke down on him again today in the lke 100+ degree heat and I am the one with the AAA so I had to go out there and save him. I so pulled the baby card and had them rush! :)
So now instead of us getting to wait until December to buy a car we are going to go looking tomorrow for one. I kinda don't want to rush but kenn HAS to be able to get back and forth to work. So we will see how that goes.

I am so freaking tired I am going to end this right here.. :)

7 weeks!

2009-06-20T17:10:00.004-04:00

I can't believe that we have made it this far. 7 weeks! I am of course a nervous wreck since this is the furthest we have gone and I really am not "feeling" all that pregnant. I had some queasiness but in the last two days I really haven't had any at all. We have a few more days to wait until we go in for our second scan, hopefully things are well and we get to see the heart beat finally.
Not much else going on. Of course I will post Thursday after the appointment!
So anyway here is my 7 week survey. :)

How far along? 7 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I still haven't checked
Maternity clothes? I bought some pants my jeans have giving up on me
Stretch marks? No more than were already there lol
Sleep: not bad but I haven't been falling asleep as early as I was
Best moment this week: There wasn't really any eventful moments other than making it to week 7 so far!
Movement: Not yet
Food cravings: None
Labor Signs: No way to early! but no signs of loss either :)
Belly Button in or out? Innie
What I miss: Soda
What I am looking forward to: That 2nd ultrasound is still top on my list
Weekly Wisdom: Start talking to your leave coordinator now. I just found out I'm entitled to 6 MONTHS not just 3 and I might just take all 6 just to get away from my rude Boss.
Milestones: Making it to week 7!

Week 6

2009-06-14T11:51:00.004-04:00

Some of my favorite foods, that I currently hate!

Baked Beans
Anything Strawberry
Fruity Pebbles
Fruit Punch-This of course happened AFTER I bought 2 containers! lol

Things I can't make it through the day without:
Pretzel Goldfish
Lemonade

There are a lot of things that are tasting really off to me lately but the small list I have going right now are the things that totally make me ill. I also can't stand the smell of Kenn's toothpaste :oX

Other than some mild queasiness if I don't eat a snack ever few hours, I really have not had any morning sickness.

So I am borrowing this from Hoping for our own Peanut, I thought it was a cute way to track how you are feeling each week.

How far along? 6 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I have no idea maybe I should check?
Maternity clothes? No need for them yet
Stretch marks? No more than were already there lol
Sleep: awful I was up until 4 am last night. :(
Best moment this week: Going to the ultrasound and finding something! :)
Movement: Not yet
Food cravings: I'm not CRAVING too much right now since all food looks kindy ick
Labor Signs: No way to early! but no signs of loss either :)
Belly Button in or out? In, it will be so strange if it ever goes outie!
What I miss: I am sort of limited right now, not bed rest but I have to be really careful til that clot does it's thing
What I am looking forward to: Our 2nd Ultra sound on the 25th I want to see a heartbeat!
Weekly Wisdom: Keep crackers by your bedside. They came in handy yesterday!
Milestones: Our first Ultrasound and being able to tell family. week 6 is our furthest yet!

February 6, 2010

2009-06-11T16:28:00.011-04:00

So the BIG news that you all have been waiting for!

We are officially pregnant! 5weeks5days today! This is the furthest that we have ever gotten before and we are cautiously excited.

We were waiting until the ultrasound that we had today to tell people, since things have not turned out well early on in the past for us. Of course that was too hard and a select few family members were told about the goings on. But anyway, I am happy to report that we were able to see a gestational sac with a little yolk today. So introducing our little peanut!

I think that it looks like I peanut M&M with the peanut inside. :)

I do have a small blood clot about 10mmx6mm that the doctor wants to watch but he said that he isn't too concerned with it at this time, just that I need to really take it super easy. What I heard him say was be as lazy as possible and let Kenn do all the house work. WILL DO DOC! :) the doctor will see me back in two weeks to check on it and by then we will be able to hear the heartbeat! I was really hoping to today but it is a tad early. Oh well something to look forward to. As scary as it is to be a high risker because of the Lovenox and everything, it does mean more ultrasounds!

So if you haven't figured it out by now the title of this blog is the Estimated Due Date for our little peanut. With my Lovenox I am assuming however that I will have the baby a week before or so. But as of right now the baby is due February 6, 2010! Which seems like a freaking life time away.

Here is a little summary of the last two weeks while we waited for today to happen.

We officially found out we were pregnant on May 28th after my first blood work and my Beta levels were at 51. I was already bawling about this because we have NEVER gotten numbers to go over 20 before. Two days later May 31st we go in for another Beta and its only 81.6 they did not double like they should... Ouch this is NOT good news. Well I go back for round number three Beta 133 ok ok this is getting crazy, the numbers are going up but still not doubling. Finally round number 4 of blood work on June 3rd the numbers jumped to 313! This baby is a keeper! The good news to is my progesterone is at a 40 which is a great number considering it has always been in the teens or lower in the past. So they we had a dreaded week long wait to go in today.

Of course being the pee on a stick (POAS) addict that I am I took a pregnancy test during that week in between Beta numbers and the ultra sound and the test came out so positive that the test line was lighter than the one that confirms that you are pregnant. :) That was great reassurance that something was still going on in there.

And then the symptoms started to kick in. I have been in bed every night before 9 pm. I just can not keep my eyes open I can not see straight I just crash out. Kenn thinks its funny, I find it frustrating since I am a night owl. I am also having food issues, more that normal. lol Things just look so nasty to me right now pretty much all food but I do not have any morning sickness that I can tell yet. Thank goodness for that.

So there is the big news! Check back I am going to update much more often.

Heads Up

2009-06-04T18:00:00.001-04:00

Come good or Bad you will want to visit next Thursday night. There will be a post about the goings on. :)

Hi there

2009-05-31T10:57:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to drop in to say that I am not dead! I have just been really busy. I promise an update very soon. :)

Small Cycle 2 update with a little glitz

2009-05-18T17:44:00.005-04:00

I do not have too much to report.

I am in my first cycle of Letrozole and things were looking good at my day 13 scan two follicles one in each side measuring 13! It wasn't before day 22 that we had such nice follicles last cycle. Went back for a rescan on Saturday and guess what. They freaking missed my Ovulation this month. So there is $88.00 bucks i could have waited to spend on Ovidrel. But whatever! Hopefully we caught the Ovulation in time for all the (brown chicken, brown cow, trust me say it out loud it will make sense).

So I am officially in the two week wait so we will see how this cycle turns out. If it is a dud maybe they will pay more attention next time when i say that me ovulating on day 22 last month was a fluke! A woman knows her body especially after all that I have been through.

I did go to Gala last weekend with my step sister that was fun as always. This was my 7th or 8th year going with her. Sadly I can judge how much weight I have gained in the last 7 years by looking at the pictures. lol Here are a few snappys from that.

Wendy and I with the feather Boas that they put on the chairs for the ladies! :)

Mayor Clayton and I! :)

The tablescape. Glitz and beautiful as always!

The end of the night :)

My boss is on a two week vacation which mean it is so nice and relaxed in the office right now. It's just plain wonderful.

yeah.. Sadly that is about it.

Cycle 2, APS, Fermara and Diamonds

2009-05-08T13:26:00.006-04:00

It's been a bit since I updated but I have started a new cycle and a new drug to help with this whole baby process.

I am on day three of Letrozole (Fermara), what is it supposed to do it make a "really good egg" according to the RE. We will see about that. I take two tabs once a day for 5 days and then start the process of getting scans to check the follies all over again on day 13.

The drug is typically used in estrogen fed breast cancers since the drug blocks your body from making estrogen.

All I know is I have gotten two of the side effects of it. Joint pain mostly at night a while after I take them and also have had the worst headaches.

But is only for 5 days and hopefully this will be our month!

So the doctor started talking about my "Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome" (APS) at my appointment on Tuesday. For which I asked "my say what now?"

Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome or APS is an autoimmune disorder in which the body recognizes certain normal components of blood and/or cell membranes as foreign substances and produces antibodies against them. Patients with these antibodies may experience blood clots, including heart attacks and strokes, and miscarriages. APS may occur in people with systemic lupus erythematosus, other autoimmune diseases, or in otherwise healthy individuals.

So apparently we had talked about it at another appointment but with the diagnosis of Factor V already I guess I thought he was talking about the same thing? Who knows I'm starting to have just a little trouble keeping up with it all.

I do like the idea of now knowing that the APS could be the reason I suffer from such awful migraines. Not that they can do anything about them though. *sigh*

I was reading about APS today and it was saying that it occurs in 1 in every 500 people. I mean I always knew I was special but 1 in 500 wow extra special.. hahaha

That's all I really have new on the baby making front right now. Started up the Lovenox again and will do more Ovidrel and progesterone. We will do this for at least 4 cycles before we try anything else.

In other news tomorrow is the annual trip to the Give Kids the World Gala! So I am sure I will have pictures of that up here next week. This will most likely be the last one that Wendy and I go to if she still gets married to Andy and moves to England. eh.

So, I am currently obsessed with the song Her Diamond by Rob Thomas. The song is about his wife's struggle with her Lupus. But I think that the song relates to any husband and wife (or life partners) that have gone through a struggle where one or the other has been in some sort of pain and the other feels so helpless since there is nothing that they can do to help the one in pain. I relate the song of course to the losses that Kenn and I have had.

Oh, Brake's over back to work!

Her Diamonds-Rob Thomas

2009-05-04T10:19:00.001-04:00

Oh what the hell she says
I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there's so many times
I don't know what I’m doin'
Like I don't know now

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don't know what I’m supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don't feel right

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her
And I don't know what I’m supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don't let her see

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
She’ll be all right
She’ll be all right
Just not tonight

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

Negative and Negativity!

2009-04-27T16:41:00.007-04:00

So officially Big Fat Negative (BFN) today. On Thursday my blood level was a 2. Apparently I tested too early and the 2 may have been left over from the Ovidrel shots that I took. So I was told to just do an at home test this morning which I did which was a BFN!

Well Pooh... On to the next Cycle when ever that might be considering I am roughly 8-10 days past my normal cycle day one. Yup all the meds have gotten my like clock work cycle completely out of whack! ugh.

So I was sick Thursday and Friday from work so when I called to day to talk with the nurse she asked if I could come in right away to see a doctor so I could get my prescription of Letrozole (which I would need to start on CD3) and of course I couldn't I seem to have been on the boss' shit list today. She has to pick at every little thing to try and "put you in your place so you don't forget SHE started this whole department and blah blah blah" My co-worker is in agreement she is full of hot air. I am thinking that it is most likely just my time to be on the bottom of the totem pole. It seems like my co-workeer and I get traded off by the boss as to who is wading in more shit! lol ugh the Negativity that woman puts in to this work is astounding. I am a firm believer in putting out good vibes to get good vibes and she makes it very hard not to be nasty some times!

Ah, But anyway... So I may or may not get put on Letrozole for the next cycle if not this next cycle will be exactly the same as this one. Which I am not totally apposed to so we will see. I am not sure why I ovulated so late last month. We have gotten pregnant before timing out the ovulation to the day, who knows. So it is on to Hoping for a 2010 baby. Wow 2010 that seems so far away but yet not soon enough.

Right now I am just welcoming the relief from the Lovenox for a few days. I got a big painful blueberry last night. I will probably start up again just as these bruises are starting to fade.

I did have a few sad moments this weekend after getting my blood work back. Just sort of sad that this cycle didn't work. I always joked about how now that we have a good plan watch us not be able to get pregnant and then it didn't happen. So that sort of sucked.

Ohhhh 5 o'clock time to scoot!

2

2009-04-24T14:04:00.001-04:00

2 is the loneliest number today.

More about the number 2 on Monday.
I have come down with a cold or something, how fun. :(

Inhale

2009-04-21T11:24:00.001-04:00

And hold it......

Blood work Thursday.

BTW all of you lurkers feel free to leave comments!

Quick Update-2ww

2009-04-14T16:39:00.002-04:00

So I do not remember where I was in my last post. I have had company all of last week and completely lost track of the real world.

I know that I was due to update everyone on what was going on with my tiny follicles. Well I had an appointment last Thursday and we finally had one follicle measuring 15. Keep in mind this was on day like 18 of my cycle 4 days past a normal person's time to ovulate! What the heck am I a late egg layer or what! hehe

So I took my trigger shots on Sunday and now we are in the 2 week wait mode.

If this cycle does not turn out to be a good one we will do this all again next month but with clomid or a drug like it so that I am not such a late egg layer. hehe :)

That's really all I have time for I am still at work just finishing up the day! I will try to post again soon about Michelle and April's visit!

1 week down!

2009-03-29T10:14:00.010-04:00

I made it through an entire week of shots!

I was taking them every morning but then all day long I was having issues with either injection sites bleeding or bruises hurting like hell, so yesterday I changed to doing them before bed. This was soooo much better I did the shot and went to sleep no issues! And really it's nice not to have to wake up to sticking your self in the gut at 6:30 am!

I go in on Thursday. Yup my birthday to have the Follicle scan and then its two shots of Ovidrel.
What a nice birthday gift having a transvag ultra sound at 7:30am! lol

This morning I was looking at the little hit counter on the side and it tells you how people have come to find my site and someone found my blog by searching 'liz-logelin clotting disorder'. I don't know how many of you that read this blog have even heard about her or Liz, Matt and Madiline but you should check out Matt's blog. http://www.mattlogelin.com/

Matt's baby girl was born on March 24th 2008 and his wife Liz died 27 hours later on her way to see her new born baby girl. She suffered a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clot in her lungs).

This is actually one of the reasons I am on Lovenox. Even if we were not trying to get pregnant the blood clotting disorder that I have, Factor V Leiden can cause me to have a PE at anytime. It is more likely to happen when pregnant since your blood volume is much higher. I think that I had blogged about my Factor V Leiden a while back but as a refresher. I have Factor V Leiden-heterozygous (meaning on gene mutation). People carrying the Factor V Leiden gene have a five times greater risk of developing a blood clot (thrombosis) than the rest of the population. However, many people with the gene will never suffer from blood clots. I have been lucky enough to not suffer from one thus far but the doctor (RE) seems to think that this has something to do with all of our losses. Thus the Lovenox.

I only wonder if they shouldn't have put Liz on the Lovenox or Heparin since she had some time on bed rest in the hospital.

So anyway an update on or just after my birthday! Have a good week!!

Boo Boo Buddies and Bruises

2009-03-26T20:01:00.009-04:00

CD5 and shot number 5 down. Yesterday was awful. I rushed through my shot and I paid for it in the end. I got a bubble and a huge bruise. :( Today I took a lot more care and there was no bruise just some bleeding later in the morning but I had talked to the nurse about that after shot one and she told me not to worry as long as it was just a tiny bit and if it really bothered me to put a tiny bandaid on it.

I think the shots are a little tougher for me because I have gained just so much weight in the last year and I will be honest its kinda hard to see past my boobs again and that sucks considering all I went through when I had my breast reduction(10 years ago this June already). But, I am sure that I will get the hang of it sooner or later. :)

Things have been so stressful at home right now. My step sister has had her boyfriend from the UK here for the last few months and she moved in with us a month ago mostly because her old roommate didn't like this guy. Ugh I am not getting in to all of this it's just simply a huge mess.

Any-hoo. I thought I would add a few pictures!

This is pretty much my morning set up. I don't always have the bandaid and gauze but after I bled the first I try to have it near by. I set it out just to take the picture so you can get an idea of what I do.

This little pooh bear is one of my best friends right now. He is a little gel ice pack and I use him every morning to numb my belly to give the shot and then I have Nemo for after the shot since it tends to burn like heck!

*WARNING MY BIG BELLY BELOW AND BRUISES*

This is from yesterday after day 4. The really blue and red bruise was from yesterday when i rushed my shot. :( I hope that never happens again!

#3

2009-03-24T21:44:00.000-04:00

Day three= No Bruise! Awesome

#1s

2009-03-22T20:32:00.002-04:00

So... Today turned out to be CD 1 a whole two days early. Being CD 1 means that I took my very first Lovenox shot today. I was so freaked out and nervous that I completely forgot to use the alcohol wipe and I was shaking so bad after I finished. But I did it. :)

There was a little burn and now I have a bruise, but thanks to the ladies on the Baby Center message boards I iced my area before I did the shot and putting the needle in was kinda easy.
I really think that the whole thing went better than I had imagined it to be. I am sure that they will not all go that way but this was a good first one. :)

I have to call the doctor tomorrow and start setting up the appointments for the ultra sound and what not.......

I worked on fixing my medical alert bracelet tonight, I made a beaded band for it that I like SO much better. I have plans to do more soon. :)

I will have pictures to share in a day or two.

So to recap, today was CD 1, I took my 1st shot of Lovenox and I got my 1st bruise from it! haha a whole mess of first that I don't go through again but I am sure I will get more bruises but at least I got that first shot over with.. Now lets get a bean to stick and we can skip the whole CD 1 next month! :)

Wish us sticky baby dust!
It has begun.

3 years and 6 losses later here we are..

2009-03-18T19:27:00.004-04:00

It's only just occurred to me that three years ago yesterday was the first time that Kenn and I found out we expecting. Sadly that joy was soon smashed with our first loss. Maybe I will always just have rotten St. Patrick's days from now on?

Finally had my blood drawn this morning. I had to get up way to early to have a needle stuck in my arm. I went yesterday too but they told me it was too late in the day to do a Heparin lab so I had to come back.

As much as I am NOT in a hurry to start my shots I am ready to get this cycle under way already!
I have been getting my self ready for the shots and other meds. Being the OCD type A person that I am I need lists and organization! I really just do not want to forget to take something.

Happy Bloody St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T15:42:00.004-04:00

Going today for my Heparin Labs. Totally freaked out that I will be giving my self shots this time next week.

It's been a pretty bad day considering its St. Patrick's Luck o' the Irish day.

Happy St. Patrick's from me and my work table buddy Lisa!!

Aggressive Treatment

2009-03-04T17:55:00.015-05:00

Sorry I have not blogged since the Dr. appointment two Fridays ago. Things have been crazy to say the least. My step sister moved in with us two weekends ago as an emergency sort of situation, so like i said it's been crazy. More about that some other time though.

The Dr. appt went a little worse than I have previously imagined. He is started me on what he calls an aggressive treatment. Here I was thinking he would suggest clomid and an ovedril shot. That was not the case.

Here is a rundown of what my next Cycle will be like.

Have Heparin Labs drawn(pretty much anytime now)
CD1(period) Start taking my daily Lovenox shot and baby aspirin
CD10 Ultra sound of follicles
More blood work and they let me know when to give my self 2x Ovidrel shot 500mg.
4th night following Ovirel begin Progesterone 600mg daily(this is a double dose also from what I have been on.)
12 days after the Ovirel blood test to see if we had any luck!

I went and bought my Lovenox on Last Monday. I felt like throwing up the whole time I was in the store. They look as scary as I imagined, although the needle it self is all nicely capped away as to not scare you all together. I called the company that makes the shot and they are sending me a welcome to Lovenox type kit that comes with a log to help me keep track of my shots. That will be helpful. One of the great things about this shot is that my insurance covers it so I am only paying $25.00 a month. If we were still on Kenn's insurance it would be more like $2500.00 a month!

I still have to call Freedom Pharmacy back this afternoon and complete the order for my Ovedril shots. Apparently it is cheaper to buy the shots through this site than it is to go to CVS or Walgreens. We will see how that goes. (UPDATE) Since I started to write this blog entry I actually have already gotten the Ovidrel Shots from the freedom Pharmacy and I have not even opened the box to look at them yet.

Besides that I just need to get a refill for my Progesterone since that will not be double, and we will be all set for the cycle to begin.

I have to admit I am so nervous about this plan of action. A shot everyday in my tummy? It just does not sound like a good time to me. That on top of the double doses of Progesterone and the prenatal that really makes my tummy crazy and baby aspirin. I will be on more drugs in a such small amount of time than I have ever been on in my whole life.

I think my mom put it best to me last night, she said that as far as taking all of the shots and medication that I just have to put my self in a different place. I have to approach it as this is something that will help me achieve a goal. I really hope this works but I also know that I can not put all my eggs (ha) in one basket with this, we have been let down so many times already.

Since it has taken me so long to sit down and finish this entry I am going to post it as is to give the update on what is going on.

Thanks for the support everyone! :)

Dust Bunnies and Feeling better

2009-02-22T00:20:00.004-05:00

So I am finally feeling better. I was stuck down with my semi annual sinus infection this last week. I realize from my previous posts that I was a bit cranky, for that I apologize. :)

So the new Dr. apt date is next Friday. This is the appointment I have been dreading the whole time we have been seeing this RE. This is the appointment where were have to give up control of doing this all naturally and also give up control of ever having a savings account.... sigh...

I was talking with a coworker Friday who recently had a little boy via IUI, she told me to not do the IUI just yet that we should do clomid and Hcg trigger shot. I guess we will have to see what he recommends. It is sort of nice having someone that will openly talk about their struggles with you that is dare I say in "real life". I have many woman that I have talked with on here but to actually know someone on line that has been through this makes me feel not so alone. Silly I know since I know I am not alone and there are tons and tons of women going through this and worse.

Tonight my hubby is working an over night so I decided to read through some other blogs. I have to say I had one of those moments every mother tells you about "You think you have it bad but you don't" sort of thing. I think I came across no less than 4 blogs where the couples had had still births and two of those were twins. I couldn't stop crying. It really makes me not want to bitch about all of this so much. I realize we have actually only just begun even though we have lost 6 at this point at least I never heard a heart beat I think that if I had I may not have the will to keep trying. So I am not sure how these strong women are coping after holding their babies and then to have them taken away.. :(

I also read alot of encouraging stories tonight to of women who have gotten lucky after loss or are getting lucky after years of trying. There were a lot of babies born around Valentines day this year, Crazy!

Oh so I have to tell you this stupid moment I had tonight. I borrowed my moms new Dyson Vacuum which I think I may never return i love this thing. Well I was trying to empty the canister and I figured like my not so awesome vacuum you took the top off and dumped it so I am fiddling with the buttons and Poof a bottom flap opens and the entire canister dumps out on to my living room floor. The look on my face must have been freaking priceless! I mean it was A LOT of crap/Dust/Fluff and what not I had vacuumed the entire apartment moved furniture and everything. The Dyson is so awesome tho it totally just cleaned its own mess right back up. So this time I took the canister outside to empty it and I hit the button and the bottom opened no problem its in the trash bag this time, but I push the button all the way and the whole damn thing breaks in to three parts and falls in to the trash! So not I have to wipe it all down and figure out how to snap it all back together! What a pain but so worth it. I am pretty sure I am going to save and get my own. My mom found this one at Lowes for only $150! a freaking steal!

Have a great weekend guys I will update next Friday after the appointment!

Sick

2009-02-16T20:55:00.002-05:00

I have come down with the creeping crud and my Dr. appointment for tomorrow has to be rescheduled. I will update soon.

blah

2009-02-15T22:49:00.001-05:00

So I decided to write a letter to the editor of Conceive Magazine. Not big deal just requesting more articles about us with multiple losses and such. I will post it here once I finnish it.
I also reset my little thingy that tells me who visited. Now I can see where you found my Blog at. Pretty neat!

Thanks for visiting!

Warning I am venting..

2009-02-15T15:27:00.004-05:00

Five reasons why Infertility Sucks

5. Blood tests, I have looked like an IV drug user for the last year because of all of the damned blood draws leaving bruises.

4. I hate the way the hormones that I have to be on make me feel,I get so weepy then I hate everyone. And I am gaining even more weight being on them.

3. the sympathetic looks I get from everyone, Okay I appreciate the support but I know you are as sick of having to be "so sorry for me" as I am for losing yet another pregnancy.

2. I hate the feelings of hatered I am getting towards people with children, including my best friends. I love them all and my nieces but I can't help but think its just not fucking fair, period. It's pure jealousy.

1. I hate the feeling that it is all my fault, that I am doing something wrong it's the worst.

Six things I am so very sick of hearing regarding MY infertility:

6. "Don't worry it will happen for you"--Well after the third loss that was old, we have been through 6 now and you know what it might NOT happen for us so stop saying it!

5. "I'm sorry but all your tests came back normal, we can not explain why you can't seem to carry a pregnancy." -Grrrrrrrr

4. "Have you thought about adopting, IVF, or a surrogate"-- Of course but I am sorry do I look like I am made out of money? We have already put so much in to these 6 losses emotionally and monetarily we are getting tapped out so if you want to donate I would be glad to go with one of those options!

3. "Maybe it's your diet"--Yeah well I have serious food phobias, it is a disease and the more you bring it up the angrier I get and the more you are stressing me out! The food issues are enough stress thank you. (see #1)

2. "Maybe you should lose some weight"--First off I am well aware that I have put weight on and you know why because being infertile and having this many losses causes stress (see #1) and there are women out there a hell of a lot fatter than me having babies!

1. "You need to try to not stress out and it will happen"--Well let me tell you what. I work at a job where my boss is a super bitch, we have a lot of debt that we are trying to get taken care of, My car stresses me out my husbands car stresses me out, I am a worry wart, when you ask me 20 questions about my painful issues with infertility I get stressed, when you pick on the way I eat I get stressed when I worry that I am the reason that I can't have a baby I get fucking stressed so you see there is no way to be stress free even if I lived in a bubble I would worry about suffocating or the damned thing popping.

I just needed to get a few things off my chest.
I do not mind you asking about my infertility, but please understand if I get snippy its probably because I have had to talk about it over and over again and I am just so done, part of the reason why i started this blog was to not have to repeat what is going on over and over again. I do appreciate the support that everyone has given us, please understand I am just venting my frustrations today.
All I want is my fucking turn to be a mom and that is it! I would be a good mom and I think that it's ridiculous that I am having to go through all of this, I am just plain angry anymore at this whole situation!

Anyway, Sorry for the Venting, I have a dr. apt on Tuesday so we will see what expensive thing he will recommend that we can not afford.

Update then.

#6

2009-01-28T08:10:00.002-05:00

Well I was really hoping to have a much happier post for today, but I don't. We found out yesterday that we have miscarried #6. I really do not know how much more I want to go through, I am starting to think that I am just truly not meant to be a mom.
I have already been worked up with all the testing that they can do and yet they still just do not have the answer as to what is going on. The doctor wants to meet with us to talk about what to do next. I really don't want to know what is next because we will most certainly not be able to afford it.
*sigh*

I would die for that

2009-01-23T20:22:00.003-05:00

TTC Update

2009-01-18T23:00:00.009-05:00

I haven't really blogged about what has been going on as far as trying for a baby is going. That is pretty much because there is nothing going on at the moment. We are actively trying again now that we got the OK from the doctors but we are on our second cycle of 300 mg progesterone per day with no baby yet. I know that I can not expect to just blink and be pregnant, but wouldn't it be something if after all this we started to have trouble actually getting pregnant, which has never been the issue before.
I am not fully discouraged yet but I am getting there. It really has been a long time since we have even had a positive pregnancy test(and loss). I started to see the RE. I would say just shy of a year at this point. And he has done wonderful things, but at the same time he has done nothing. All 5 of our losses are just unexplained. Maybe it was the polyps, maybe it was the infection. As much as I am glad there is nothing wrong I'm upset that there was nothing wrong. Nothing that they could point to and say, "ah ha! here is the problem!"
While we were dealing with the different procedures and surgery that I went though we were in this like holding pattern for 6 months, but not since September and still nothing. I think that Kenn and I decided that if this cycle doesn't even give us a positive test that I am going to go in for the Ovidrel shot. Supposedly it helps people in our situation by making you ovulate like 24 hours after the shot that way if the problem is the sperm and egg are not meeting in time you can pretty much time it out just right.

It's sort of strange that I have been so open about timing sex and periods or what sort of strange things are going on with my body, especially since I am a pretty private person for the most part but this is something that I know others are going through and if some poor woman comes across my blog having 5 losses under her belt and she is in hopes of discovering something that might help her then I will continue the TMI.... :) I know that I have stopped in many other blogs and read some of their stories and the success ones have really helped me stay positive and also the ones that show a little of what I am going through. It helps you not feel so alone in this.

I do have to say that I am so glad that we have been blessed enough to not (yet) have to consider any other form of treatment such as IVF or IUI. First off we would NEVER be able to afford them and that would dash all hopes right away but secondly that's a lot to put your body through on top of maybe actually getting pregnant.

Anyway I do not want a pity party I just thought that I would update everyone on the whole baby thing since that is what this blog is supposed to be about in the first place. :)
Maybe I feel rushed since I am turning 29 in a few months and I always wanted to be a much younger mom.. Who knows.....

Posts

2009-01-16T22:44:00.001-05:00

I just want to add that it took me nearly three hours to complete the post for Day 3 the darn Blogger kept closing on me and so I am NOT sorry for the lay out of the pictures haha get over it! :)

Cruise Day 3

2009-01-16T20:42:00.025-05:00

Since Day 3 is so heavy with pictures this blog update will pretty much be extended captions about the pictures.

Day 3 was Monday if you couldn't tell and Kenn and I were up before the sun this day. We wanted to watch the sunrise on the deck.

It didnt' take too long for Kenn to pass out on the deck...

But the sunrise was so nice...

We had breakfast with a group of people that we didn't know. Although we would end up seeing the newlywed couple a few times during the next two days. More about them later.

We had to be out for our excursion by 8:45 so it was a rushed breakfast and we were off! Now I was already a bit apprehensive about this whole excursion. For those who know me well enough know that I am not a fan of the ocean. At least water I can not see the bottom of. This of course helped me justify why I could do this! Since I could see the bottom of the water. Everything is going well at the start. Other than the water being FREAKING FREEZING things were running smoothly. We were loaded in our underwater bubbles and brought down slowly to about 40 feet under. NEAT there's fish and other underwater critters swimming all around us! The people running the excursion took our pictures for us which of course we bought even though they were $25.00 but it was one of those once in a life time shots. So we get moving and we are driving our scooters and I get about 25 feet and my freaking dies! I'm thinking of course 'oh shit' but I remember that the air will keep flowing even if the scooter stopped working.. I signal to the guys that I am not moving and they come and try to get it started. Keep in mind I am under water 40 feet. No go they decided to just push me the whole tour. I'm bummed and a little pissed I didn't pay to be pushed I paid to drive an under water scooter.... But it's still pretty neat so I just enjoy what i can see. I even touched a nasty conch shell with a little critter in it looking at me with its itty bitty eyes! Eww! lol Well so we get almost to the end of the little tour and all of a sudden the divers around me are kinda freaking out and I am thinking shit its a shark! lol No, my freaking air is running out and they have to RUSH me to the surface. This is a problem they did not do this gradually as you are supposed to to prevent the bends and well popping an ear drum. I get out of the water and I am not a happy camper but I am on a boat in the middle of no where so I just suck it up and decide to try and enjoy the excursion and talk with someone back on the cruise ship about it later.

The girl that was in the bubble scooter right behind me in the pack that we went with got stung pretty badly by a jelly fish... I decided he must have been after me considering the awful luck I was having.

I could have gone snorkeling after the bubble from hell but I opted out. Kenn of course was all about it so I caught a few snaps of him. He looks miserable when he got out though poor guy..

After the excursion we caught a taxi to the shopping area of town and pretty much goofed around in the different stores. There were so many jewelry stores and I really wish we had planned batter and saved more money to buy something shinny! We did go with only about $100 each and I brought back 75 on the boat I really didn't find anything I couldn't live with out that wasn't more than my $100 budget. I did get a neat make up bag made from candy wrappers and some Crayones!
All of the jewelry stores were giving away free junk to the ladies and free drinks to the men. We are sure that was to get Kenn nice and drunk so he would buy something for me. Too bad he can hold his liquor! hehe

We had to get a picture of US in Cozumel. All ten of us in the group were here this day but we never ran in to each other and let me tell you this place is NOT that big..

They did have some Christmas decorations all over the little shopping area so I took a few shots.

We found a 7-11 and the world's smallest Hard Rock Cafe.

We found there version of Wal-Mart called MEGA. This is where I got my crayones. And I saw this in the parking lot and I had to take a picture considering that this is supposed to really be a baby blog.

Here are just some of the pictures of things on our walk back to the boat...

On the 8 mile walk (in flip flops) we kept seeing these huge lizards running across the road or at us! I finally got a picture of one but I had to zoom way in. We saw him from about 20 feet away and he looked like he was ready to jump us!

This is a picture of our ship next to a Celebrity cruise line ship. Ours is HUGE in comparison. Apparently the Navigator is the second largest ship? Something like that is what they were saying. I mean BRAGGING about all the time on the ship.. lol

Walking back to the boat after a hard hot day in Cozumel.

This was the animal we got when we arrived back at the ship..... Neato!

This was the night that it was soooo windy that they ended up closing the decks outside. But that was after we had some fun messing around in the wind.

The wind is blowing the hood of my jacket up.. it was pretty crazy..

Gone with the wind

The video of Kenn is a bit loud. the idea was he was imitating Micheal Jackson lol.....

I also added a video of the little balls in the atrium area that typically would be still that is if the waters were not super rough.

The awful Turbulence we had the last two days

Dinner this night was tropical dress so the whole family wore these yellow button downs my mom found with something like Hula hutt on the back. I haven't gotten a scan of that picture yet but I will post it when I do. 10 people in bright yellow shirts! It's a sight to say the least.

After dinner we headed to the Love and Marriage show which Nicole told me that we could not miss and OMG was this thing freaking hilarious! This is where we saw the newly wed couple again. We cheered them on to go out and be in the show. It was like the newlywed game but they took a couple who was just married one that was married for 5 years and then one that was married like 50 some odd years. The couple that was up there for the 5 years had to audition since so many people wanted to play. Well they had to show a passionate kiss. That was not all we saw! They did this big thing and went running to the stage and the girls skirt went up and we saw EVERYTHING! lol poor girl... That whole show was just so funny it was only second best to The Quest which we did the next night. I think maybe it was this night but I am putting it in tomorrow blog regardless.. :)

After dinner we got one more towel animal. :) A MONKEY! I loved it.

Kenn Karaoked the night away after the Love and marriage show.... You know the more I think about it I really think The Quest was on this night too because I remember wearing the same outfit I had on for the one show.... Well I'll save that story.. That a hoot! Anyway I attempted to join kenn but after the rough day I had on the excursion and I was actually starting to get a bit sea sick from the boat rocking so badly I just called it a night.

Cruise Day 2

2009-01-16T20:00:00.006-05:00

I know I know it's about freaking time right? Well I have been really busy at work and totally wiped out when i get home at night...
So..... Day 2: Sunday
Well you are gonna be disappointed with just day two so I am going to go ahead and do Day 3 right after this tonight......

There really was not all that much to do. I take that back there was a lot to do we just didn't.

Breakfast was a dud in the WindJammer so this was the morning that Kenn and I discovered that the dinning room served Pancakes! Yes we were so there!! lol

On the way in I took a picture of the finished Ginger bread house. I don't remember if I added this already... We wandered around sort of going our separate ways for the day. Wendy and I went to Scrapbooking. It was pretty cheesy, but something to do. After Scrapbooking we ran back in to Kenn and found some lunch. and hit the hot tubs! Not for long though there was some strange brown people funkiness floating in the outside hot tub and the inside hot tub was cold. Ugh!

We got our first towel animal on this day! An elephant! I was so excited. I was sort of bummed the first night that we didn't get one... I know what a thing to be bummed about right. I guess I was just expecting it considering everyone always talks about them! This one was the neatest we got all weekend.

Really I couldn't tell you what we did between the hot tubs getting a shower a dinner. Maybe shopped a little? Oh wait no this was the day I lost $100 bucks in the casino! I did win that and then some back on the last night though :).

Day two was Formal Night. We didn't get any pictures taken this night. I just wasn't in to it and really no one was. I did get a picture with my mom and I which is a rare thing indeed.

After dinner we headed to the lounge for the battle of the sexes game! Kenn of course being the star of this cruise... (I am not sure I mentioned this yet but everyone that was in the cruise events staff knew him by name by the end of the cruise.) Volunteered him self to play on the men's team. He did manage to get down tot he last player on the men's team against the ladies last player. And the decision event....... Musical Chairs of course! See Video.....

Kenn during Battle of the Sexes

The lady in the video would later try to pick Kenn up at a club on the last night! Whore! lol

We sort of headed to bed around 1 this night since tomorrow was our day in Cozumel...

Cruise Day 1

2009-01-01T20:42:00.010-05:00

So I am finally getting to writing about this cruise. I am just going to do this in a timeline sort of way it will help me remember better what happen anyway. :) I am also only going to post one day at a time since it's really picture heavy.

Friday we headed down to Ft. Lauderdale piled 5 to a car. What a mess I however got to be one of the lucky ones to sit in front. I of course had this planned all along. :) We ended up staying at the Embassy suites there it was SUPER nice.... (see photo) Although Kenn and I being the good kids gave Wendy and Grandma Morris the nice beds and we slept on the pull out. YUCK that was the worst nights sleep every I would say.

Saturday was a day full of hurry up and wait. We couldn't get on the boat until after Noon so we were left to wander around looking for things to do. Checking in went sort of simple except for the fact that my step dad and step sister had both gotten lost returning the cars to the parking lot and ended up back on the turnpike some how. Needless to say they were both grumpy and over it by the time they got on the boat.

The room was so much smaller than i imagined it to be! I knew it was going to be small but wow tiny.. It really didn't matter though not too much time was spent in the room anyway.

We had a while before the boat was to leave so we went up and played a little Mini Golf before all the kids took over this area for the week. This was probably the day I saw Kenn the most. He was mostly doing Karaoke and other stuff and I wanted more of a chill out cruise..... Which I sort of kind of well no I didn't get that at all. lol

Of course there was the muster drill. I got lovely pictures of everyone in there life jackets. :)

The first night at dinner, Aw aren't we cute lol

This was the view from our floor. Those bubbles were still on the first few days of the trip it was the last few that they showed just how bad the rocking was!

After dinner Kenn and I did some of those fun professional pictures. We only bought one from the group but Kenn snuck and took some shots of the other pictures... He actually got in some trouble doing this so they are not the best quality but here you go.

I am pretty sure if I remember right that after dinner Wendy and I met up with my Aunt Ellen for some BINGO! None of us won of course but it was fun! I'm not sure where Kenn was during this... Oh wait yes I do he went to the casino and lost $20 bucks in minutes! I would lost $100 to the same game tomorrow!

After Bingo Wendy, Kenn and I went to do a little ice skating... Yikes! They really didn't have skates for mine or Kenn's big feet so we only went around once before we were both about in tears. I was bummed I love to ice skate but what can you do, I'm cursed with size 11 feet! lol Wendy on the other had had a blast. We just sat and watched her for a while before we went our separate ways and Kenn went off to sing Karaoke and Wendy and I watched the cheesy parade.

The Sail Away Parade:

I can't remember exactly but I think that this was about midnight and right after this Wendy and I went to the room and ordered room service and watched a movie. :)

So Day 1 a good day.

Sunday's Adventure to come, Keep Checking back! :)

ER Visit

2008-12-30T14:52:00.001-05:00

I have not had the energy to write about the cruise yet I am getting to it I promise.
Mainly the reason I haven't is due to the fact that in the last week I have been so unbelievably dizzy, I could not stand up for long and trying to focus on the computer screen or tv just made me sick to my stomach. I still think that I might have decompression sickness due to my awful Cruise excursion which I will blog about this weekend. The doctor I think ruled it out though I am really not sure.
I ended up breaking down and going to the emergency room last night and they ran all sorts of tests, cat scan, ekg, chest x-rays etc. as well as balance and the whole touch your finger to your nose and to my finger with the doctor which I failed miserably last night to the point i was sobbing by the time I got done with the doctors first visit to my room.
He was worried that I had a blood clot due to my clotting disorder (factor V) which was diagnosed while dealing with all of our baby issues. So the EKG and the Chest X-ray ruled those out.
The next thing was the possibility of something wrong with my brain to I had the cat scan. That came back normal. Well I say normal however he did mention the cysts that I have had in my sinuses behind my cheeks for years. Apparently they are really inflamed although I do not have a sinus infection. He said he is not saying that is what is wrong but it sure is not helping.

Basically he did not know what was wrong with me. So 9 hours later I am leaving the ER with antibiotics and anti vertigo meds. I feel like I wasted my time there because I really did not get any answers as to what the hell is going on.
I also was complaining about pain my my tummy and he pretty much was not concerned. I was cause it hurts!

Odd thing of the night that I have NEVER had happen to be before was that when they went to take blood from me they couldn't get it to come out they actually had to SUCK the blood out with an empty syringe and even then they barely got anything. It made me think that I was just really really dehydrated and all of this was from that. They did give me fluids in the hospital but I am think that it wasn't enough. Considering on a normal day I will go through three bottles of water and a soda, but while we were on the cruise I barely drank water ($2 a bottle and the water in the tap yea it was brown more about tha tin my cruise blog) We also walked something like 5 or 6 miles in Mexico so maybe it is just a really bad case of dehydration?
So I am still not sure what is wrong I am going to take the meds and just rest this weekend and see how I feel monday. :(
Have a great new year! I promise a cruise blog by Sunday!

Cruisin' in 3 days!

2008-12-13T22:47:00.009-05:00

It's beginning to look alot like Cruise time! lol 3 days until the cruise and I really have not gotten anything ready other than the important paper work.

I take that pack I did start to pack and I feel like I am over packing so I am going to try to reduce what I brought. I am a big over packer. We are all really excited and really busy trying to get ready for that and just dealing with getting ready to have time off from work for the holidays and everything.

In other news we finally got the results from the biospy and they came back A-OK so we got the offical word that would could start TTC again. I have already been on progesterone and a presription prenatal. Fingers crossed it happens and STICKS some time soon for us.

We did go to St. Augustine this last weekend I am going to add a few pictures of that and then I am off its nearly midnight and I have got to get some sleep. See you all after the cruise!

I am going to add some pictures from my Grandpa's 80th Birthday, Kenn's birthday and our bad kitty!

Yes he ate a light, I was really upset about the whole thing. We did gte all the broken parts but still.. Bad Kitty!

Grandpa's 80th!

The little red train we went on in St. Augustine!

On the litte Train freezing our butts off!

Thats it for now I am having issues uploading!

Little end of the month Update

2008-11-30T16:28:00.003-05:00

This is going to be a short update today, I am cleaning the house like a mad woman!

I went to the Doctors last Monday and had my biopsy done finally. Hurt like hell more than i thought it should have. So now we play the waiting game. Once we get the official word we will go and get all the prescriptions filled and see what happens!

So as for the baby stuff that is all that is really going on right now.

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving! Mine was really nice.. Except for the part while peeling potatoes that i took a fingernail off! Yeah gross I know. It's starting to feel better and it isn't as bas as it sounds although it hurt like crazy for a few days.

My grandpa celebrated his 80th birthday yesterday! Man I hope to live to be that age! We got him on the Wii Fit this weekend and he had a Wii Fit age of 62! That's about right for any of you that know him. :) Not a day over 60 I always tell people. He is very spry and always tinkering with stuff. Not only that but now more than a week ago he was pulling an engine out of a car. My grandpa has no plans in this life of slowing down! :)

Pictures of the holidays coming soon..

Well tomorrow is back to work. That first week back after a nice vacation always stinks. Hope you all make it through it! :)
OH Look at the countdown 20 days until the cruise!

PS thanks for the link to the cute backgrounds Bug! :)

Baby it's cold in here!

2008-11-25T22:45:00.006-05:00

Kenn and I made our annual trip to see ICE at his work. I just wanted to share the pictures. I will blog tomorrow if I get a moment!!

The plan!

2008-11-13T10:05:00.002-05:00

So, I went to the Dr. on Tuesday to talk about a plan of action for getting a bun in the oven. Basically all the test that they ran on me last month came back pretty normal the only one that was even slightly high was the adrenal level and it ended up being nothing to worry about.

He (doctor) isn't really sure what has been causing the miscarriages other than all of the tissues and what not that were kinda 'lingering' in my uterus. Since I had the surgery and the D&C that has all be taken care of. They did find that infection and I have been treated for that. So Now I have to go for a follow up biopsy on that and if that comes back normal then we have the green light to start making babies!

I will be on Progesterone like I was before but a much higher/less messy dose and I will also have to have the Heparin as soon as they get a positive test which is the part that really freaks me out. Two reasons one the cost, I have heard that it is really expensive! Secondly its a freaking needle twice a day! A freaking needle! *faint* But I have to do what I have to do!

So no clomid or anything like that unless we can not seem to get prego on our own by February! If we can not get knocked up by then I will have to take a shot of a medication called Ovidrel Im not sure if I spelled that right. Basically it ensures my egg drops at a certain time and it makes all the timing that much easier!

How exciting!

Beyond all of that I have a really awful sinus infection. I missed work yesterday and I made an effort to go in today and was sent home by my boss before I could even get in the door. I guess I looked like hell..... I wasn't sure if I should have been offended or just happy she sent me home. I am on a ZPak so I should be feeling better by the weekend I hope!

37 days until our cruise! I booked out excursion the other day.I tried to add the video but I couldn't figure it out so here is the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFcxjQODeMg
We are going on an underwater Scooter adventure in Cozumel! It looks neat!
We are getting really excited as the days are counting down, I still have to find Kenn's birth certificate. I know its in here some where I just don't remember where.

We also got a Wii Fit this last weekend! How neat is that thing! It helps you work out and set fitness goals. I already lost three pounds!

I'm off to nap! I don't think I have taken a nap in ages this will be wonderful!

Katie Man Tagged me so here you go!

2008-11-13T09:55:00.003-05:00

What is your husband's name? Kenneth Gayle Snipes Jr.

How long have you been married? 2 and a half years

How long did you date? about two years

How old is he? 27 will be 28 in a month

Who is taller? He is

Who can sing better? I can, he sings good but Im better lol

Who is smarter? We are both smarter than the other in different ways.

Who does the laundry? It's a shared effort, We are both lazy about...

Who pays the bills? I do, I'm better with money.

Who mows the lawn? The lawn care company that the apartment pays for.. :)

Who makes dinner? Well if we are eating at home its normally a grab your own thing or I cook for Kenn. Im picky.

Who drives? I do and this has been an issue ongoing. I want him to drive more but he never offers and he is a crazy driver anyway!

Who is the first to admit they were wrong? NOT ME! lol

Who kissed who first? He kissed me first

Who asked who out first? No one really asked anyone it just sort of happened!

Who wears the pants? Me! lol

Happy Halloween Round up!

2008-11-02T20:05:00.015-05:00

Michelle's visit went well we hit Mickey's not so scary while she was here.. Few pictures below.. :) Not too much to report it was short too short I would have like to have had more time to do things and just hang out but that's alright I have a feeling she will be back! :)

The time change really has me wanting to be in bed already and it is only 8 pm. Of course it would also be the fact that your new kitten kept me up all night.

Yep that's right we got a new kitten. :) Punkin Biscuit. Although he pretty much only comes when you call here kitty at this point. lol For the few of you who don't read my myspace blog here's why he got his name.. (pardon the copy paste i'm lazy)

'When we first got him we had decided to call him Pumpkin since we got him on Halloween but at the same time we are the type that think the animal will name it self, so after a night of playing and watching him we have decided that his name will be Punkin Biscuit. Strange I know but I will explain.
He is a little punk, he like to bite your feet and climb your leg just to get closer to you. So of course this is where the Punk comes in. Of course not wanting to stray too far from the original pumpkin we turned that in to Punkin.
As far as the Biscuit thing is concern, well when we had Blue Bird he used to do something we called making biscuits when he was comfy, trying to get comfy or nervous. It's when the kitty kneads his little paws. Well this kitty does that all the time! On everything, you, the floor, his bed, even his water lol. '

So thats how he got his name. I really think that we will mostly call him punkin. :)

Halloween was sort of a bummer much like every year. I am so ready to have little ones and a reason to go trick or treating. It sucks living in an apartment no one comes to trick or treat. We even carved pumpkins and left them out front but nothing.

I did Oogie Boogie

and

Kenn did Modok... some comic bad guy..

I did sort of dress up for work this year. I was a window. Something the office needed. I also made some yummy cupcakes for the occasion that didn't go over so well but there was other cake brought in that day too but my cookies went like hotcakes. They were just sugar and decorated just like the cupcakes.

So 47 days til the cruise. I was thinking of getting the suitcases out and starting to get things together like swimsuits and what not since the weather here is changing and we wont be needing them anymore this year. I had planned to start doing that today but I am so worn out from weeks of going and going that all I did today was lay around and snuggle with the new kitten. He's so cute.

Well I am going to bed I think.. I know I know its only 8:15 but I'm worn out.

Oh make up Dr. Visit on the 11th. They are going to talk about the blood work with me. That makes me worry a bit they typically just leave it on this message service thing. :(

Some of the pictures got kicked out

2008-11-02T20:05:00.014-05:00

My costume.

My Halloween Goodies

Not on the books

2008-10-27T13:15:00.003-04:00

So last week I was supposed to have the follow up biopsy for my surgery last month. I took time off work to go there only to find that they did not have me on the books for that day at all! And to find out I wouldn't have been able to get the biopsy done that day anyway since I wasn't on the right cycle day (as I had been instructed I was when I made the appointment). So frustrated to the point of tears that day they at least took 13 yes I just said 13 more vials of blood for the blood work that they missed before.

So now I am waiting for those results as well as the doctors office to call me back and make "a plan" for this biopsy thing. What a freaking mess. No lie I was in tears upset walking out of that office! UGH!

Elizabeth Winter

2008-10-20T22:23:00.005-04:00

So I finally got to go visit April and Dan, it was a short trip but still nice. Best part was getting to meet Lizzie for the first time! I love this baby!! She has the sweetest little personality and she's so smiley! Michelle is coming to visit in two days and we have a packed agenda. I will have to update about the doctor after she leaves Sunday. Til then, pictures and a video for you to enjoy!!

Liz with her Uncle Kenn

Lizzie playing rock band

In memory of Gayle Snipes

2008-10-17T20:07:00.002-04:00

Hello from Alabama!

I wish I had a good reason for being all the way up here, but I sadly do not. We are up here because Kenn's Grandfather past away on Monday. Today was the service. It was small but very nice. It's really cold and rainy here today. Almost appropriate for a day like today.
Tomorrow we are headed to see April and Dan and of course i finally get to meet Lizzie!
On the way we are going to stop at unclaimed baggage yay!! It's becoming a once a year trip.

I should be home Sunday night and then Michelle is coming down on Wed! Doctors appointment Thursday and thank goodness I am almost done with this medication I have been on to clear up this infection it makes me VERY sick to my tummy if i dont have enough to eat before hand and i cant take it with milk or i really get sicky pooh.. UGH

I will update about the doctors visit when i get all the results. Have a good weekend!

How many people over night?!

2008-10-07T21:43:00.002-04:00

Wow so I'm not sure if its a counter glitch or I have really had over 2,000 visitors over night. I really only passed the link out to a few people so HI to those of you who I don't know. Welcome to my humble little blog. :)

Let me know how you found my blog I'm really interested in finding out! :)

Thanks for stopping in! *note to self maybe i should update more?*

MY NEW NIECE IS HERE!!!

2008-10-06T22:08:00.003-04:00

Josie Marie... Born 10/06 at 8:07 pm 7lbs 7 oz 19 inches..

Congrats to Sandra and Harry. I am waiting on a picture of the baby girl and I will post it once it gets here. I have plans to go up and see her this weekend in Jacksonville so if nothing else I will have some from that.

Yay Sabrina is a big sister!

As far as I know Seesaw is doing well too she was still in recovery when Harry called me at 9.

A new post about me soon. There isn't much going on, I just started a round of antibiotics for the endomitrisis and I am calling tomorrow to schedule the biopsy and blood work. once the infection is gone they can talk to me more about options. I am not sure what blood work they are looking for though I thought they had done it all already. oh well..

The verdict is in...

2008-09-18T18:03:00.003-04:00

Well I got a call the other day from the doctors office regarding the tissue samples that were sent in from my surgery. I have something called Endometritis. This is not to be confused with its worse cousin Endometriosis.

Forgive the following copy paste I am just to lazy to type out what it is...
Endometritis
Definition :
Endometritis is an inflammation or irritation of the lining of the uterus (the endometrium).

Causes :
Endometritis is caused by infections such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, tuberculosis, or mixtures of normal vaginal bacteria. Endometritis is more likely to occur after childbirth, miscarriage, or placement of an intrauterine device (IUD).
Any surgical procedure that enters the uterus through the cervix will increase the risk of developing endometritis. Endometritis can occur at the same time as other pelvic infections such as acute salpingitis, acute cervicitis, and many sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Treatment:
Treatment with antibiotics is important to prevent complications of endometritis.
Complicated cases (those occurring after childbirth, or involving severe symptoms) may require the patient to be admitted to a hospital. Intravenous (in the vein) antibiotics are usually needed, followed by antibiotics taken by mouth.
Rest and hydration are important.

Outlook (Prognosis) :
Most cases of endometritis go away with antibiotics. Untreated endometritis can lead to more serious infection and complications with pelvic organs, reproduction, and general health.
Possible Complications:
Infertility
Pelvic peritonitis (generalized pelvic infection)
Pelvic or uterine abscess formation
Septicemia
Septic shock

You still with me? Ok well the long and short of it is I will have to take antibiotics twice a day for 14 days with the start of my next cycle. From there I will have even MORE blood work and Kenn has to get his swimmers examined before we can move on to an appointment to talk about things like Clomid and Heparin and if he even thinks I can get pregnant at this point with everything that has gone wrong. Of course I will continue to update. :)

Surgery Update

2008-09-11T15:31:00.004-04:00

Home from the hospital and doing much better. I have a DVD that I cant hear what the doctor is saying cuz there is this loud thumping sound throughout the whole thing so I am not sure if he found something if it was better or worse than he thought etc. :(

I have a few pictures from being at the hospital. The first one is awful and I look HUGE and I just think i need a diet NOW when I see it keeping in mind though it was taken with my camera phone and I'm covered in tons of blankets cuz the IV makes you freeze to death. And my eyes are closed, Mom caught my off guard.

Mom took me to surgery so Kenn could work, one of us had to. I didn't faint when I got my IV which is something that has happen to me in the past. :) I had a really nice nurse named Francis! She even called to check on me today.

I did have some major pain but not when you would think. They had turned on the antibiotics and didn't give me any warning and all of a sudden my hand is hurting near the IV so im looking and fussing with it and my mom is asking if I am ok, and before I know it I feel like my arm is on fire and my mom is running to get the nurse because I have turned beat red and started to have a panic attack. All of the people that rushed in the room said oh yeah that medication will do that to you! UGH so why the hell did you have it up full blast! So I'm in tears my moms all worried cuz I'm not a cry baby so she knows I'm in pain, the doctor came in and turned it down to a slow drip and with in a minute I was back to normal. I can't even really describe the pain other than my arm felt like it was on fire and about 200 times too big for my skin it was awful.

I do have a battle scar from getting my blood taken on Tuesday at the pre-op appointment. This was after the lady had to use the baby needle to get anything, my veins knew there was something going on and all hide very well from the nurse lol.

That's really the only booboo that you can see that I got.

I'm actually starting to feel a lot more awake I have been groggy for almost two days now, and the pain is minimal just small bursts of cramping that go away quickly thank goodness.

I do have some strange looking photos from 'inside' during the surgery as well as a little educational video of the actual surgery (like i said you can't hear what he is saying though) and Im willing to share for those of you who are like me and are very curious on how the human body works inside and out. :) Just let me know and I will email you :)

Anyway I am going to go nap again and enjoy this extra day off work since I had to beg for it in the first place.

Updates to come I am sure. I am waiting on a call back from the Nurse to let me know about the Endometriosis testing they did while they were in there hehehe.

Surgery

2008-09-09T21:06:00.003-04:00

My surgery is tomorrow morning at 8:30 am. I have to be there before the sun at 6:30 am. Mom got me comfy new Jammies to wear to the hospital and took me to Sonny's (yummmmmmy!) for dinner tonight. I hate to say my Last meal but you really never know when you put your life in someones hands when they put you under and are doing any sort of cutting.
I found out today that I get the DVD of my surgery... I am not sure if I am grossed out by this or fascinated with how for technology has come. Don't worry it will not be something that I am posting any time soon. lol

I will let you know how I am doing when I am away and feeling ok. Typically in the past when I get put under I wake up VERY VERY sick so I hope this is not the case this time since I will not be under for that long. I was told the whole procedure should be no more than 45 minutes total. Whew!

I already have a huge bruise on my arm from them trying to get my blood today. Of course they has to get out the baby needles.

Babies, cupcakes rainclouds and spiders

2008-09-05T10:42:00.005-04:00

It looks like I will have to reschedule my surgery. Things are not working out on my side. I'm running late and the timing has to be spot on for the surgery. Also IKE the hurricane is headed our way.. On Wed the day of my surgery. So I called today to try and reschedule so I will have to wait and see what they say.
On another note it is my co-worker and table buddy Lisa's birthday. I made cupcakes and decorated her desk. Of course I took pictures so here they are.

So while at target the other night collecting things to make these cupcakes I felt what I thought was a hair on my hand. I looked down and screamed in horror to see THIS crawling on my hand.

Big black white and fuzzy. I screamed and flung my hand everyone around me was just starting at me! lol I snap this picture then squished him flat. I guess he was on the cart and I disturbed him. I'm not a fan of spiders. We have had some issues at the apartment with Black Widows living in you trash bench thing that we have out side. I think the complex finally got them all but yikes!

Ok back to work, it's nasty rainy out side and I am watching the news online about IKE coming for us. Also about that Casey Anthony girl. What craziness, the woman just need to be honest she is making it worse for her self and her family. Have a great weekend!

Cruise with me baby....

2008-08-29T21:08:00.002-04:00

So..... Guess what I am going to be doing for the first time.....

GOING ON A CRUISE!!

We are taking a family cruise over the holidays. Everyone is so excitied.

We are going to be on the Navigator a Royal Caribbean ship. So excited. Kenn and I have never been. And the WHOLE family is going grandparents mom, mike, cousin aunt sister....

I'll have more info to come..

Also I am getting ready to have my surgery in about 13 days. A little nervous about that.

I'm not really in the mood to blog so.. ttyl!

Snaps

2008-08-24T21:50:00.003-04:00

Cheesy
Oh My!
Blah
SMOOCH lol
So Kenn is in AL for a few days and I was bored to tears today, SO I did my hair and make up and took some snaps for Myspace.. I'll throw them on here too since a few of you don't use the whole myspace thing. :)

BTW it's STILL raining! UGH!

5 things on my mind at the moment.

2008-08-23T01:34:00.006-04:00

#1- ZUMA? really? you named your kid zuma?

#2- Why are there no adult gymnastics classes in Orlando? I have been looking all night. I think it would be fun to get back in to it but NOOO...

#3- I'm ready for the rain to stop it is making the frogs VERY loud out side to the point that I have to blast the TV to drowned them out.

#4- I thought one of our hermit crabs was dead today almost got rid of her then I realized she was molting (gross) so I had to quickly get her out of the group crab-a-tat so Spider and Spike wouldn't eat her.. GROSS I know but that's what the website said to do. Hope fully she will be ok.. Yes I named my Hermit Crabs. I will post some snaps here soon. :)

#5 - Have a great weekend... If you haven't already sign up for a Blogspot do-dad so you can just reply on here instead of emailing.. Not that I mind the emails.. ah who cares... I really don't do what you want.. As long as you have a good weekend! lol

22+22+2= 46!!

2008-08-18T23:03:00.002-04:00

So we got the results from the chromosome analysis tonight! We are both NORMAL!

Normal Results: Normal results from a chromosome analysis show 46 chromosomes. A girl will have 2 pairs of 22 chromosomes, and then two sex chromosomes (XX). A boy will also have 2 pairs of 22 chromosomes but will have two different sex hormones (XY).

I like that word normal! lol This was a big test that we were waiting on because it is one of those things that you just can't fix you know? So it really is starting to look like its the polyps.

Speaking of them I was scheduled for my surgery today. It's one of those things that has to be done on this many days into your cycle and when the hospital can see you blah blah. So it will be on Sept 10th.

That is if my boss lets me have the 2 1/2 days I need off. She was kinda being stand offish about it today which pushed my buttons. I think that's her fave thing to do push my buttons! She just aggravated me today because I told her that I couldn't drive for 24 hours after the surgery and yet she asked if I would be in the next day. Um NO! And yet she takes a whole week off for tummy aches! Ugh Then tells me "just an FYI, your annual leave has to be approved by me". As if she wasn't going to approve my surgery... I do believe that it's mine to take and I have a personal day for which I do not have to tell her why I want to use it, not to mention the FMLA!
I know she will approve it she knows what this means to me but its like just BE NICE FOR ONCE! I get that its totally a control thing 100% you know, but my gosh!
Ok enough.. hhahah can you tell I'm a bit upset.

So anyway the next big thing is the surgery at 8:30 am on Sept 10th.. That is as long as this cycle is normal, let's hope.

Well I am going to go "hunker down" for this storm we have coming through. We actually have tomorrow off! Yay! Maybe Wed if this storm is bad.
I have some updates about Kenn and his family but I will save that for another night!

in bloom

2008-08-16T12:46:00.003-04:00

No baby related stuff today I just wanted to share the pictures of my window garden. The hibiscus is doing well the morning glory flowers not so good. I am going to read up on them today and see what I am doing wrong. I know I need something for them to climb on but beyond that I have no clue.

I have how many? faint

2008-08-13T21:19:00.003-04:00

So I had the HSG today. It was not awful but it was not fun. I did have quite a bit of pain while it was getting done and the doctor had to inject more dye then normal and I will explain why in a moment. So now I'm crampy and spotty but otherwise good.

The verdict is........ I have more than 12 uterine polyps (yes i lost count with the doctor at 12 so we will say more than 12) that will have to be removed. This will most likely happen with in the next few months via an out patient procedure. I will also get a D & C during this time to make sure that he gets everything. They do range in sizes, this is why he had to do more dye then normal he wanted to get a good count of the ones he could see so that meant more pain. Ugh.

Although this seems like an awful situation, I mean it sort of is it is 12 plus strange things, but at the same time I can not help but be a little relived that they FINALLY found something that makes sense and could totally be the reason why we are not having luck getting a little rug rat to stick.

I am totally nervous about getting them removed but totally ready at the same time. I tried to get him to do it today! lol

It was like all the test were coming back good and negative and so all these questions were still there this like helps answer some of those questions.

So I took a half day to recover tomorrow even though I am feeling better I'm still going to take it and sleep in! :)

Hopefully more news to come soon.... :)

2008-08-09T10:57:00.003-04:00

Two more test came back negative last night (cultures they had done). As far as blood work goes we are waiting on Prolactin and genetic testing results to come back.

I have officially scheduled my HSG for next Wednesday. Apparently it doesn't take long at all but I have to take antibiotics and a strong Ibuprofen so it doesn't sound like any fun. I will get the results from that right away though which is nice.

It's great that all of these tests are coming back negative but at the same time it's like if it wasn't that then what is it?

I'm off for some comfort shopping with my mom today. She was really upset last night about the time she gets the kittens all 'tucked in' for the night, and called me in tears. :( My poor mom..

I found what I will be doing for the memorial for her, http://www.outdoordecor.com/product_detail.asp?item=XPM12006&SSAID=245235

I am going to order them on Friday when I get paid again....

:) Happy Saturday I hope it's super long, cause I don't wanna go back to work!

Picture isn't my kitty but isn't it cute! :)

We lost a great snuggler today....

2008-08-08T12:47:00.006-04:00

Today has been an awful day. I have had a bad day at work and then I get a phone call from my step dad that they had to put my baby cat Bluebird to sleep. :( He had a growth on his chin that turned out to be a fibrous cancer and his kidney's began shutting down. He had gone from a plump 16 pounds to a mere 9 pounds in a matter of months.
For those of you who do not know I have had Bluebird since he was one day old on my 15th birthday almost 14 years ago. He was a rescuse kitty who got his unique name from the place he was found, in an old Bluebird bus which was set to be demolished in a safety drill at the airport where my mom works. We fed him by bottle like any other little baby and watched him grow in to a chunky loveable kitten you just loved to rub on you and get cuddles where ever he could.

He will really be missed.

We also lost Sydney this year from a strange respitory infection that hit her like wild fire. We had sydney only a few months longer than Blue, she was from the same mother so they looked so much a like. A few months back when Blue started to get thinner we thought it was from sadness of missing his life companion.

We had been through so much with these two kittens over the years, they truely were dear family members.

Although Bluebird was my cat my mom was the primary care giver and she is really upset to have lost both her babies this year. I am looking for something that I can do for her to put in the back yard where the kitties would hang out in sort of a rememberance to them. If you have any ideas where I could find something like that please pass it on.

today is blah

2008-08-07T20:15:00.001-04:00

It's a boring night around the house..... The weekend looks to be about the same.. Anyone doing anything fun this weekend??

.

2008-08-07T09:08:00.001-04:00

I spoke too soon! :) Time to call for the HSG! More info to come....

Good levels and a little TMI

2008-08-06T19:14:00.006-04:00

So I got some good news today. The results for my TSH level came back 2.24 which is good. They look for it to be under 4. TSH stands for Thyroid Stimulation hormone. Although this is good news I was sort of hoping that it was something simple like this.

I am a bit distressed though... And this is TMI, but for the first time I have actually missed my period. It has been roughly 35 days since this latest miscarriage and still nothing. Even with the other losses I never missed a period so I'm a little stressed out about that right now. The only thing that I can think of is that i stopped the progesterone since we were told NOT to try for 3 months in which time i should have a plan of action with our doctors squared away. So of course I am worried it's the worst, premature menopause or something lame like that. :( I've never wanted my period so much lol.....

Oh to be a kitten.....

Why wont these pictures upload UGH!

2008-08-04T20:30:00.004-04:00

I really don't have anything to report yet this week. Still waiting on bloodwork.... Work was long today. I wish Jean would take another week off it really does help the stress level in the closet (the tiny space that is my office) Here are a few pictures so you can see for your self... There are three of us in this little space thats about 10 feet by 6 feet if that.

Weekend Ramblings 8/02/08

2008-08-02T21:42:00.005-04:00

So there really isn't anything to report this weekend so far. We got up early today in attempt to go garage sailing. We only got out for one sale so the pickings were slim. However something we thought was funny, at EVERY sale today there was a car seat. We couldn't help but laugh.

Kenn is currently sitting on the couch with a heating pad on his shoulder, who knows what he did. The doctor at Centra Care said the same thing I did, "you must have slept funny".

I have been looking on the net tonight at baby junk, I'm pretty bored. I actually bid on something on ebay that I'm like kicking my self for now but it wasn't too much and maybe I'll get out bid. :)

Still no test results. oh well, this waiting game is already no fun!

Finally Finnished the office

2008-07-31T20:24:00.000-04:00

And just in time to pack it all up again! Not really but I hate the idea of getting settled at an apartment only to have to leave not long after.

It costs how much!?

2008-07-31T20:10:00.000-04:00

So today I called the cheap prescription program we have just to get an idea what some of the medications the doctor talked about cost. Well not the best news I've heard in a while. Turns out NONE of them are covered. I knew the progesterone wasn't since this is something that I am already on so not a big deal. The big deal is this lovenox that I may be prescribed, no generic and it's not covered and it can cost, get this, up to $700.00 for a 30 day supply. I almost fell out of my chair! Heparin is a bit cheaper and an alternative to the lovenox... I am just going to have to tell the doctor straight that I can not afford that, period....

So the count down begins, 29 days until test results are back. Supposedly my Thyroid test should have been in today but I called the service to get my results a few times and they weren't ready yet.

One good bit of news I got today was that the Hysterosalpingography procedure is covered. However the Sperm analysis is not, but it is only $100.00 so that's not awful.

It's hard since we are so living pay check to pay check essentially. I mean we have extra money but not 700 a month that's for sure! lol

Ugh we'll have to wait and see.

So last week when i had to go to the emergency dentist after breaking my tooth, I decided to plant a window box, Maybe it has something with my need to plant a seed and watch it grow so to speak. Well it's only been a little over a week. And look at these beautiful sprouts!

The one in the pot is a hibiscus that was already that big lol...

I planted a bunch of different flowers in the window box.. Hopefully they will bloom.

Blood Vials and Goody Bags!

2008-07-30T17:38:00.000-04:00

So the appointment went amazingly. I really thought it was going to be a sit down and talk about options but not much action, maybe I would be sent for some blood work. NOT SO!

At first it did start off with the consultation sort of thing you know you on one side of a big scary desk him on the other. Fake Va-J-J on the desk so the husband can have something to play with. :)

He was really clear and easy to understand, I think that was in part to the fact that I have really studied about my situation and knew what some of the medications he was talking about were. He also had a good idea of what he wants to do as treatment once we get all the tests back. All the tests that they did TODAY I might add! I was blown away by the fact I had an Ultrasound, blood work and set up for a Hysterosalpingography procedure all today! Kenn even got blood work done and information about coming to give his little swimmers for a once over! :)

I am being tested for some sort of toxins that some woman's uterus' have, also my thyroid levels, something called prolactin (which i need to look up) and we (kenn and I ) are both being screened for genetic testing.

I was so proud of Kenn today, he had some really good questions about everything. In fact he asked the question "is there anything that I am doing wrong", and the doctor was blown away he said in 25 years of doing this no husband has ever asked him that he was impressed him self! :) My good hubbin!

I had to add a picture of our matching battle scars from the appointment today! :)

So here is a strange tidbit, did you know your ovaries are like just floating around in there.. Apparently mine left one is sitting behind my uterus, I found out that this is common actually. Apparently he worked with a dr. years ago that would actually make his patients get up and jump around to get them back in to place for any ultra sounds! LOL He did say that this is most likely why I get a pain there some times when i sneeze and stuff.. Crazy !

So I have come away from this appointment so amazed, impressed and nervous at the same time. I am almost kicking my self in the ass for not doing this appointment back in Feb like the OBGYN had wanted.

Seriously, the only bad news in the whole appointment was I really gained some weight, which the doctor said NOTHING about I was worried he'd say I was a fat ass LOL

Can I just tell you that I am so happy to find out that the testing is actually covered! If we did not have medical that appointment would have been $665, and we only had to pay $20! So so far so good, I'm not actually sure they cover that Hysterosalpingography thing I will have to check but regardless I am getting it done.

It seems that the general idea of a plan of action (pending blood work) is Clomid (to make sure we get a good egg, MAYBE TWO!) , and either heparin or lovenox (for my clotting disorder), and a MUCH higher does of Progesterone! I know it sounds like a lost but after 5 losses it sounds like hope to me and Kenn. :)

So they gave me a cute goody bag full of different stuff to help along the way. I was like aw how cute!

All sorts of RX prenatals, datebook for your appointments, magazine about fertility (which I already had lol) a notebook for all those notes you need to take about whats going on, other random items, I thought that was nice of them :)

That's about it for now!

2008-07-29T21:14:00.000-04:00

So the big important doctors appointment is tomorrow at 1pm. I'm so ready at this point to talk to this doctor and I would love to go in with all these questions but I really can not think of anything I want to ask other than, when will I finally be a mom! Something that should be my friggin birth right as a woman you know! UGH!
So I was worried about the whole plus sized and prego thing but the more I lurk on these babycenter boards the more I see woman who are MUCH bigger than me are having babies. So i refuse to let any doctor tell me anything is due to my weight!

I will have more to talk about tomorrow I am sure! :)

Baby Center

2008-07-29T09:43:00.001-04:00

You know I thought it might be a good idea to post on BabyCenter.com and get some insight on what the first appointment at the RE was going to be like and the response I got was, "It's overwhelming" Oh lovely if i wasn't worried enough about it!

To change the world begin with one step...

2008-07-29T00:53:00.001-04:00

I have given in to the blog gods... It may have been peer pressure or the need to just get this all off my chest but here it is.

I really haven't been too open about our past problems with infertility but I was always willing to share what was going on when someone asked. Things have been getting a little harder to deal with and I feel I need an outlet of sorts.

Over the last two years My husband Kenn and I have been through 5 miscarriages. I have been tested for a wide range of issues so far and they thought that they had it narrowed down to a lack or progesterone and a blood clotting disorder called Factor V (I have the heterozygus form). With those diagnosis they put me on baby asprin and progesterone suppliments. Well we have lost two since that round of treatment. So it is not working.

The next step is to go to an Reproductive Endocrinology and Fertility specilist, which for some reason in my head is like the last resort. Beyond the fact that insurance doesn't cover anything and we will never be able to afford any decent treatment. But maybe just maybe they will have some new options or new out looks on just what is going on. Let's hope right?

During the first 3 losses it wasn't such a big deal we weren't really trying, it was sad do not get me wrong, but it was more of a well it wasn't gods plan sort of thing. But now that we are trying and the two losses there after have been so heartbreaking.

I litterly lost it at work a few weeks ago and was sent home to cry it out. I am one of those people that really bottles it all inside until I just explode and its like everything comes out in one long hard cry/panic attack sort of thing.

I do not intend this blog to be just about this adventure in infertility but this whole adventure that is life right now. There are just some new eye opening things going on in my life, good and bad. I am really learning who I am. I feel like I'm a little late on this being 28 but some of us are late bloomers I guess.

I know that I need a change in life, I'm ready for some improvment in myself and I am the only one that can do it and I just need to get off my ass and do it and stop pissing and moaning about oh how thin I used to be or all the fun stuff I used to do. If I want to take piano lessons or something like that I need to stop making excuses and just do it!

I feel like in the last few years I have really forgotten who Abby is. I couldn't tell you the last time I did something that I really enjoy, I don't remember what my hobbies are or what my favorite foods are. It's awful. I need to start living before my life passes me by and its all too late, I dont want to look back on it all and wish I had more time to turn things around.

wow this blog just went all over tonight! I sort of feel better I gotta say! :)

*** I Edited this a bit, I decided I don't want alot out there like I thought I did ! lol Those that I wanted to read the full thing did***

By The Way

2008-07-28T22:38:00.001-04:00

Gimmie a while to get used to this thing! I'm sure there will be funny fonts and colors until I figure it out! :)